Hello guys, what's up with the world? I know I haven't wrote you for ages!!!! I miss telling you stories and I kinda feel so insecure...these past few days. I feel like I am thinking too much about this and that. I feel like I don't appreciate my hard work enough. I feel like I need to be good at everything but that's just I couldn't do well :(
I don't know whether I am too picky, or too complicated on react things, or I am lack of thankful to God for what I already have in life.
If so, I think that I need to focus more with things which are good for myself; and also will affect good too with people around me. I don't want to seem selfish, bossy, or arrogant. No, no, never, I never had that in mind. :( I swear I feel so sorry for those who think I am, for those who have ever hating me for my characters or my behaviors. And, if you feel like I have ever done something wrong to you, I swear that was because I was not in a good mood, my days are bad, or I feel like my life is miserable. My life has been pretty messy, I don't even know how to act and do things.
All I ever thought was; PEOPLE DO NOT TREAT OTHERS LIKE WHAT THEY WANT TO BE TREATED TO. Have you ever think of those? That words just came up in mind after a friend of me, called Oneng (lol) wrote it down to her timeline on Line. I was like oh baby pie I feel that way too, I hate people, they are the most confusing thing in the world. I just feel so tired deal with people. (WELL, WHAT ARE YOU NANA? AREN'T YOU A HUMAN TOO? HAHAHAHA) Of course I am!! But at least I think I have tried my best to be nice with people. Come on, be nice is costs you nothing. Make people happy also costs you nothing but the joy. The joy you will receive after are more than making yourself happy, you will feel angelic (lol) you will taste the deliciousness of Pizza (even a lot better man) after you have done those sweetie things. I think that when I help people, I meant I have made someone happy, just by doing the things that they want.
Lemme tell you about my lately experience when I had to accompanying my friend to an indie music concert, which I don't know at all. I just have heard that band from several random things. She came up to me, even I knew I might be the last option for her. I believe that she has begged bunch of her friends to come with her that night, so I am the last person-who-don't-close-enough-to-her whom she thinks might be free 'cuz she ain't got activities beside fangirling over some boybands (emm ya dats me). At first, I think it over about her offers. Firstly, yes I am free that night, other than that I REALLY want to come to an final deliberation of my new organization called Hima (cmiwiwiw :P) wow guys I have a lot to tell tho about this thing called Hima, maybe next time? The Hima event held right after that concert too, so I think why not? I could ask her to come with me there too, don't ya think?
Ok then, secondly I was thinking about the money. I have planned to buy so many things online and offline. But my priority is still with online stuff 'cuz they look so hella good in virtual (I hope also good in reality), like sweater, bomber jacket, jacket jeans, hoodie jacket, shoes, oh God I got so many lists!!! Those need means I need to save my money right?!?!? Hmm but I think again, I might buy those things with my Lebaran savings :D plus, the opportunity to come such a concert like that might rare to find at Unpad, this concert was held by D3 Fikom Unpad, and that was their final assignment and I was like holymoly they were sooo kewl that they could make such a mini concert like that for charity!!! Nice job!
Thirdly, I thought about the advantages which I would get the most; I will have an opportunity to hang with another friend from another circle of friendship! Yeay I like that, I mean I like to hear things from another un-close friends, just the two of us. I mean it's like I kinda bored of playing and hanging around with that girl, uh that girl again. :(
I know that's true I was in a little problem with one of my close friends. Let's just say this was a misunderstanding between us :) I have talked further with her about this, and yeah this was all about my negative thoughts!
And yeah I finally said yes to her offered, in the Day we met so many Fikom-ers. I got to see some cute-kinda cool guys whom I don't know who (haha). Actually, it would be very interesting if they asked for my name (lol you wish). I got to communicate with that not so close friend well, I went to her dorm, I like to see her room. She's so artsy. Her room full of her artworks and crafts, oh gosh she's so creative. She is also have a blogspot which full of her favorite movies, poems and any other arts. I admire her way of thinking tbh, and ps. she's also never had a bf like me. I mean it's like, really? Me too!! Oh God we have to talk about it sometimes. And then, I like this part when I have activity to do beside laying down my bed, watching some random shows or doing some random chats in front of my laptop (hahahaha I believe you know what I mean). I think I must tend to choose a life for now; I have to do things and go for things more often, there is a LOT to explore, there is a LOT to know. That night was my very first attempt to a mini concert of so-strange-band I have ever went to, and that was kinda good, kinda entertained me :) I have an obsession in becoming a KEPO girl who knows everything and open minded about everything, it's like okay if I don't know that well but yes I know it a little bit. So yeah, that night I got so many advantages from helping a friend who doesn't want to go to a mini concert in her campus by herself 'cuz she didn't want to seem that lonely (hahaha, I am sorry Moon)
So in the past weeks I have been doing things all by myself; I went to campus by myself, I went to cafetaria by myself, I went home by myself. Those things are not scary as what I thought, *breath peacefully*
All I got from these kind of situations is that yes I can do everything by myself, sometimes it's okay to be alone, sometimes it's NEEDED to be independent, sometimes it's okay to stop thinking about what other people thinks about you :) Because you have born to be alone and you have to be ready for that, to feel your loneliness in a dark cold night, to be all by yourself at a grocery, to enjoy the music all by yourself. It's all okay :) The problem I had have taught me so much that I had to be brave doing things alone, I had to be the better version of me, that I had to be open minded to new things upon myself. The problems in my life might got me into a lonely situation but it actually not, I still have friends, but I have to remind myself that people won't be 24/7 stay there beside you. They have their own lives also, just like mine. They have to cope with things that bothers like mine.
So enjoy every moment 'cuz eveything has a limit.
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