Alone Doesn't Mean Lonely

Hello guys, what's up with the world? I know I haven't wrote you for ages!!!! I miss telling you stories and I kinda feel so insecure...these past few days. I feel like I am thinking too much about this and that. I feel like I don't appreciate my hard work enough. I feel like I need to be good at everything but that's just I couldn't do well :(

I don't know whether I am too picky, or too complicated on react things, or I am lack of thankful to God for what I already have in life.

If so, I think that I need to focus more with things which are good for myself; and also will affect good too with people around me. I don't want to seem selfish, bossy, or arrogant. No, no, never, I never had that in mind. :( I swear I feel so sorry for those who think I am, for those who have ever hating me for my characters or my behaviors. And, if you feel like I have ever done something wrong to you, I swear that was because I was not in a good mood, my days are bad, or I feel like my life is miserable. My life has been pretty messy, I don't even know how to act and do things. 

All I ever thought was; PEOPLE DO NOT TREAT OTHERS LIKE WHAT THEY WANT TO BE TREATED TO. Have you ever think of those? That words just came up in mind after a friend of me, called Oneng (lol) wrote it down to her timeline on Line. I was like oh baby pie I feel that way too, I hate people, they are the most confusing thing in the world. I just feel so tired deal with people. (WELL, WHAT ARE YOU NANA? AREN'T YOU A HUMAN TOO? HAHAHAHA) Of course I am!! But at least I think I have tried my best to be nice with people. Come on, be nice is costs you nothing. Make people happy also costs you nothing but the joy. The joy you will receive after are more than making yourself happy, you will feel angelic (lol) you will taste the deliciousness of Pizza (even a lot better man) after you have done those sweetie things. I think that when I help people, I meant I have made someone happy, just by doing the things that they want.

Lemme tell you about my lately experience when I had to accompanying my friend to an indie music concert, which I don't know at all. I just have heard that band from several random things. She came up to me, even I knew I might be the last option for her. I believe that she has begged bunch of her friends to come with her that night, so I am the last person-who-don't-close-enough-to-her whom she thinks might be free 'cuz she ain't got activities beside fangirling over some boybands (emm ya dats me). At first, I think it over about her offers. Firstly, yes I am free that night, other than that I REALLY want to come to an final deliberation of my new organization called Hima (cmiwiwiw :P) wow guys I have a lot to tell tho about this thing called Hima, maybe next time? The Hima event held right after that concert too, so I think why not? I could ask her to come with me there too, don't ya think?
Ok then, secondly I was thinking about the money. I have planned to buy so many things online and offline. But my priority is still with online stuff 'cuz they look so hella good in virtual (I hope also good in reality), like sweater, bomber jacket, jacket jeans, hoodie jacket, shoes, oh God I got so many lists!!! Those need means I need to save my money right?!?!? Hmm but I think again, I might buy those things with my Lebaran savings :D plus, the opportunity to come such a concert like that might rare to find at Unpad, this concert was held by D3 Fikom Unpad, and that was their final assignment and I was like holymoly they were sooo kewl that they could make such a mini concert like that for charity!!! Nice job!
Thirdly, I thought about the advantages which I would get the most; I will have an opportunity to hang with another friend from another circle of friendship! Yeay I like that, I mean I like to hear things from another un-close friends, just the two of us. I mean it's like I kinda bored of playing and hanging around with that girl, uh that girl again. :(
I know that's true I was in a little problem with one of my close friends. Let's just say this was a misunderstanding between us :) I have talked further with her about this, and yeah this was all about my negative thoughts!

And yeah I finally said yes to her offered, in the Day we met so many Fikom-ers. I got to see some cute-kinda cool guys whom I don't know who (haha). Actually, it would be very interesting if they asked for my name (lol you wish). I got to communicate with that not so close friend well, I went to her dorm, I like to see her room. She's so artsy. Her room full of her artworks and crafts, oh gosh she's so creative. She is also have a blogspot which full of her favorite movies, poems and any other arts. I admire her way of thinking tbh, and ps. she's also never had a bf like me. I mean it's like, really? Me too!! Oh God we have to talk about it sometimes. And then, I like this part when I have activity to do beside laying down my bed, watching some random shows or doing some random chats in front of my laptop (hahahaha I believe you know what I mean). I think I must tend to choose a life for now; I have to do things and go for things more often, there is a LOT to explore, there is a LOT to know. That night was my very first attempt to a mini concert of so-strange-band I have ever went to, and that was kinda good, kinda entertained me :) I have an obsession in becoming a KEPO girl who knows everything and open minded about everything, it's like okay if I don't know that well but yes I know it a little bit. So yeah, that night I got so many advantages from helping a friend who doesn't want to go to a mini concert in her campus by herself 'cuz she didn't want to seem that lonely (hahaha, I am sorry Moon)

So in the past weeks I have been doing things all by myself; I went to campus by myself, I went to cafetaria by myself, I went home by myself. Those things are not scary as what I thought, *breath peacefully*

All I got from these kind of situations is that yes I can do everything by myself, sometimes it's okay to be alone, sometimes it's NEEDED to be independent, sometimes it's okay to stop thinking about what other people thinks about you :) Because you have born to be alone and you have to be ready for that, to feel your loneliness in a dark cold night, to be all by yourself at a grocery, to enjoy the music all by yourself. It's all okay :)  The problem I had have taught me so much that I had to be brave doing things alone, I had to be the better version of me, that I had to be open minded to new things upon myself. The problems in my life might got me into a lonely situation but it actually not, I still have friends, but I have to remind myself that people won't be 24/7 stay there beside you. They have their own lives also, just like mine. They have to cope with things that bothers like mine. 

So enjoy every moment 'cuz eveything has a limit.

I Remember

"And today I saw you again. You are still the same, you still looks so damn cool in front of me. Standing there in the first floor as I was going downstairs... then I walked pass you and yeah to be honest, my heart still beating so fast and there was coming a big smile on my face. And yeah it happened just by seeing your face. I still don't know why is it still happened to me after all those times. Just for a while on that day, I saw you were going home by motorcycle with your girlfriend and I am all alone." Thursday, February 6th 2014

So I think that you know that sentences was made by me a long time ago. I might sound cheesy and poor!!!! I know!!! It's like I like him (well not already in love with him) because I didn't know him well. Back to myself in Senior High School, I was a very shy person, especially when I had to interact with the one whom I have a feeling on. I have never like having a deep conversation with him even I feel like he often tried to start chit chat with me huahahaha PEDE yeah. HMMM BUT SERIOUSLY I THOUGHT HE WAS EVER HAD A CRUSH ON ME. I did caught him looked at me several times, he added me on facebook :P, he was ever wink at me in the computer laboratory when I sat next to him and I was like what the hell he's so creepy i am shy what does he mean why he does that to me and all I did was a flat face with no voice.

That story is not going to be the point of my post by the way. I am gonna tell you about what my big teacher (lol I dunno how to say dosen) today. Dia bilang intinya gini... "Kalian umur segini pastilah pernah naksir sama orang. Kalo ketemu orang itu pasti deg-deg an, senyam-senyum sendiri. Padahal sih ngelihat doang, ngomong juga enggak, kenal juga enggak. Senengnya liat dia aja padahal dia nggak tau kamu siapa, tau kehadiran kamu juga enggak, dia juga lagi ngobrol sama orang lain bukan sama kamu tapi kok kamu bisa seneng yah. Nah itu dia, salah satu bentuk komunikasi yang nggak bisa dijelasin itu cinta." Kata dosen gue itu... itu namanya cinta, well as far as I know cinta itu harus kenal-pdkt-deket-suka-nyaman but I can't assume because I have never really in love. And she's also said this "Kalo liat dia seneng walaupun nggak kenal itu namanya cinta tapi kalo udah ngerasa pingin dia jadi milik kamu itu bukan cinta." ASHEDAPPP

Ibunya bener banget yah cinta itu nggak harus memiliki (jomblo thoughts). Cinta juga nggak bisa dicari, datengnya sendiri aja tanpa diminta, perginya aja yang tiba-tiba ehehehehe. I personally sih belum pernah yang namanya liking-someone-who-likes-me *crying over the shower* I always be the one who would be the secret admirer...but haven't found the right ones... Well we'll se how it goes. I also think that it will not be easy to maintain relationship with someone right now I don't know whether it will be a disraction or a motivation. One thing I know is the right thing will come in the right time.

CIAO!!!

I'm Back

Hello guys, it is me Nana
It's been a long time since I haven't tell you about my life
Sekarang gue merupakan seorang mahasiswa jurusan Komunikasi di sebuah universitas negeri di daerah Bandung, well if your information about studies is well you would know where then.

I got so many things to be told here, but not in this post.
This post will be a very dramatic one,
I miss Zayn Malik....................
I hope he will tweet something like "im back. x"
orrrr kinda thing like that

It has been a month since he left One Direction, the best boy band in the world, the one and only my inspiration of life, the one who would make me happy instantly, the one who...ah it is just to much to say.

And it is also been a month since their concert (well, without Zayn) in Jakarta, Indonesia. I feel so sad and lost and happy at the same time. Everything feels not right. 
Ps: I'm gonna post my first OTRA Tour experience next time. (**I am doing a task rn)

Yap, it was hari terbaper yang pernah gue rasain and I feel like my only reason to smile and hold on with this cruel things in life is just gone nowhere, nowhere to be found, But I'm still here hoping for a miracle.

Hujan dan Harapan

Rintik hujan yang tak kunjung berhenti

Rasa sakit yang masih kualami

Diare

Sungguh membuatku bolak-balik kamar mandi

Dingin yang menyelimuti malamku

Dan suara jangkrik yang terdengar di telingaku

Sebenarnya aku mengantuk

Namun aku merasa aku malas untuk tidur

Ingin kulepaskan segala rasa penat di otakku

Sehingga ku bisa jalani hari tanpa keluhan

Ingin ku bisa

Lihat dunia dengan segala sisinya

Tahu ini itu

Penuh dengan segudang ilmu

Supaya aku tak khawatir akan ini dan itu

Insert A Title On Here

Aku teringat saat itu

Aku dan kamu

Kita

Berada di tempat yang sama

Diam

Tanpa sepenggal kata dari bibirku

Dahulu

Aku dapat melihat, walau dari kejauhan

Mengagumi

Kau yang juga tak keluarkan satu pun kata

Tatapanmu

Seolah mengungkapkan beribu arti

Gelap

Yang sampai saat ini tak ku ketahui apa artinya

Sempat terlintas dipikiranku

Untuk tersenyum

Ya

Kepadamu

Akan tetapi itu adalah hal tersulit yang aku ketahui

Biarkan saja

Akan jadi penyesalan semata

Akan jadi masa lalu yang ada

Kini hanya aku dan kenangan itu

Aihhhh

My New Addiction; DENIM

Sok puitis; Apa Kabar?

Baru 1 bulan rasanya tak kulihat dirimu

Dengan rupa yang mirip dengan aktor favoritku

Kamu pasti tahu

Dia jelas lebih tampan darimu

Tapi 11:12 denganmu

Rambutmu ikal sama seperti rambutku

Hidungmu mancung tapi tak terlalu seperti hidungku

Kamu indah bagiku

Pancarkan sejuta impian di hidupku

Seakan kau memberi sinyal padaku

Bahwa suatu hari kau kan datang lagi di hidupku

Akan tetapi tidak seperti yang lalu

Kau hanya menyapaku dan begitu saja berlalu

Yang ku tahu 

Itu akan menjadi hal yang indah bagi diriku dan kamu

Di masa depan yang akan menghampiriku

Aku kan berharap selalu

by me

I Miss You?

Hi people, I miss you guys so much! (:
It has been a long time I haven't touch you, oh dear blog

I do not know how to start it! But let's start it with my language ! Hahahaha
Ok
Gue galau
Ya ngga ngerti kenapa, sebenernya udah lama banget ngga galau. Ya as you know, gue kan galaunya kalo lagi sekolah aja di saat gue ngeliat doi sama ceweknya hmm.
But now, 
it is different

Should I explain you why? Ah, I guess you would not want to know that
But again, I think that no one would see this post or even my blog
So, here I go (:

      A few days ago, gue buka twitter, udah jarang - jarangnya banget nih buka twitter, apalagi lewat web. Bisa dibilang karena males iya, karena intensif sbm kali yaa? Ah alasan ahaha
THEN! Gue liat tweets dari salah satu temen SMP gue dulu, and she said RIP "charming boy"
Let's call him charming boy, and yeah that is because he truly is (:
Laluuu gue kaget banget, yang keluar dari otak gue hanya, "HAH? Demi apa? Siapa? Si charming boy? Kakak kelas super ganteng dan super jangkung yang gue idam - idami dulu??! Ngga, ngga mungkin. Mustahil. Ngga mungkin dia" but then I think again, "tapi siapa lagi manusia yang namanya charming boy, pasti dia doang, he's got a unique and meaningful name at once that I adore, yeah I adore so much." Dan kekepoan gue membuat gue ngebuka twitternya dia dan.....ya, beneran orang itu adalah dia, dia udah ngga ada semenjak 1 minggu yang lalu. Dan gue baru tau kejadian itu sekarang. Gue pun ngestalk twitter pacarnya, huaaa mereka so sweet banget dan yang gue tau, pasti banget dia ngelakuin pacarnya itu istimewa banget. Karena setau gue yap dia tuh orangnya baiiik banget, kata orang - orang sih, tapi dari kenyataan yang gue liat memang begitu :")

    Dia adalah my first crush? Nope, gue aja mulai naksir cowok dari pas gue TK kali -_- inget banget, gue naksir pertama kali sama tetangga gue, namanya Nigel apa ya kalo ga salah. Dari dulu gue emang malu - malu kucing di deket orang yang gue taksir. Ada di salah satu foto gue, nyokap, mamanya Nigel, sama Nigel-nya aja, guenya mojok gitu di kursi sendirian, raut mukanya udah terpancar rasa malu banget level 100. Hmm, back to the topic. OK, all I can say, he might be my first love? HELL NO, euhm hell yes. Ngga ngerti lagi gimana dulu kok gue bisa naksir berat sama kakak kelas ini, yang jelas dulu pas gue kelas 1 SMP, 2 temen deket gue pernah duduk di samping dan di belakang dia pas lagi UAS. Gue ngga sekelas sama dia, tapi cukup tau lah dia siapa, soalnya setiap istirahat dia kerjaannya main basket di lapangan dan dia cowok yang paling nonjol menurut gue, kok nonjol sih? Wakaka iya, soalnya dia tinggiiii banget, ngga sewajarnya kayak anak SMP umumnya deh. Dia juga agak populer, banyak temen - temen gue yang kegirangan kalo ngeliat dia main basket, dulu gue belom tertarik tuh. Setiap hari selagi UAS kedua temen gue ini ceritain dia ke gue, terus gue terpikat kata - kata temen gue, katanya pas mereka duduk deket dia, dia suka ngisengin mereka, orangnya jail banget tapi asik. Dia juga suka curhat, katanya kedua orang tuanya udah ngga ada dari dia masih SD kalo ngga salah, tapi dia tetep tegar dan periang, ngga keliatan sedih sama sekali, terus gue jadi simpatik.... Dia juga baik kata mereka, ga milih - milih temen, humoris lagi. Waaw gue pun terpesona, tapi bukan dari pandangan pertama melainkan dari cerita - cerita temen gue sendiri. Semenjak selesai UAS pun gue memutuskan diri gue untuk jadi salah satu fans rahasia dia. Saat itu facebook lagi booming - boomingnya, dan gue ikutan bikin fb.......

     Wah keren banget ya fb, dulu menurut gue, maklum ngga pernah nyentuh bentuk internet sebelumnya. Setelah itu gue add facebook dia, karena ngga berani kenalan. Wah ya iyalah kan gue pemalu kelas berat. Alih - alih ngga bisa kenalan, gue mencoba segala cara dengan minta nomer hp dia ke temen cewek gue yang lumayan akrab sama dia, karena sama - sama anak basket. Tapi dia susah dimintain bantuan yaudah gue coba alternatif lain dan oh ya!! Gue kan kakak - adekan ( cie jaman SMP dulu mainannya kakak - adekan loh ) sama kakak cantik ini, kan mereka deket :")))) gue jadi nanya - nanya segala macemnya tentang dia ke kakak cantik ini dan......gue dapet nomer hpnya yeayyy gue jadi kesenengan sampe ngebet banget pengen sms dia..... Yaudah deh gue sms, gue lupa apa sms pertama gue apa, intinya "hai. Kak charming ya?" ( tulisannya dipastikan ngga serapih dan alay pastinya ) Terus dibales, "Iya! Ini siapa ya?" yeeee gue seneng sampe nafas rasanya susah banget gue atur...bales apa ya biar dia bales lagi, akhirnya gue bilang "gue Nana kak, SMP X juga, tapi kelas 8" gue dag dig dug ser ngebayangin aduuh dia bales apa ya yaAllah wkwkwk, yess hp gue bunyi!!
Gue liat hp, yah taunya provider gue yang sms -_-
Yaudah gue berharap lagi dan lagiii, eh ada 1 pesan dari charming boy. OH NOO
"Kelas 8 berapa?"
.... Gue takut kalo ngasih tau ntar ketauan lagi kalo gue buruk rupa terus dia ngga mau smsan sama gue-_- lebay banget ya gue dulu....
Terus gue ngga ngasih tau di sms selanjutnya terus yaudah smsan sama dia run smoothly^^
dan awal - awal gue nanya, mau ngga dia jadi temen gue -_- hehehe
dia jawab, "Yaelah. Gw kaya orang penting aja!temenan pake ijin."
Seneeeng banget rasanya di notice sama someone special huhuhufttt, sekarang orangnya udah di Surga (":
Terus dia pernah marahin gue karena gue takut dikira sksd gue lebay gitu, hadeh -_-
Lcd hpnya sempet rusak dan gue malah nanya - nanyain dia bilang kalo dia sengaja ya ngga bales sms gue dan bla bla bla dia jadi marah, yai yalah annoying banget gue-_-
"Lw ga mau jadi temen gw lagi?lebay tau ga si lo!gw ga bales sms" lo emang gw ga bisa mau ngmng apa lagi lo!" wkwkwkw nyesek juga saat itu diginiin, dia juga bilang, "Bukannya gw ga bales sms lo ya emang gw ga bisa bacanya,gw juga belom tau lo!" kebodohan diri gue membuahkan kesedihan......hahaha
Dulu jugaaa setiap abis pulang sekolah dia selalu main basket di lapangan komplek belakang sekolah, dengan creepy-nya gue setiap hari minta temen gue nemenin kesana buat liatin dia-_-
kok gue ngejijiin ya.....everyday gue nguntit dia dari belakang terus bolak balik lapangan ngintip - ngintip dari semak - semak kayak orang oon buat ngeliatin doi -_- sumpah norak banget yak gue. DAAAN dulu setiap detik ngga pernah deh lupa dia hahaha, sampe sempet ngga napsu makan, dasar ya anak kecil........

     Ngga selang berapa lama gue ngga pernah lagi smsan sama dia semenjak lcdnya rusak... Sempet sedih, kenapa mesti rusak yak...hahaha takdir kali. Terus fb gue tiba - tiba ngga bisa dibuka, yap ada yang nge-hack! F! Yes. Idk who, dan hal ini ngeselin banget setelah gue tau orang yang nge-hack itu bikin status aneh - aneh. Akhirnya gue minta bantuan temen gue yang emang ngerti soal dunia hackers, eh bisa deh kebuka. Hal yang mengejutkan lagi gue buka inbox dan si hacker itu ngirim message ke kak charming isinya adalah pernyataan cinta gue. NO I FELT SO ASHAMED AT THAT MOMENT. Muka gue mau ditaro mana men, udah gue smsnya ngeselin, eh tiba - tiba gue nembak dia si -_- terus gue langsung nge-clear nya dengan bilang kalo itu bukan gue, gue di hack, idk if he believe it or nah. AAAH IT'S ALL MY FAULT BC I OFTEN TELL ALL OF MY FRIENDS ABOUT MY FEELINGS FOR HIM, SO THAT HACKER COULD BE ( OR EXACTLY MY FRIEND )

     All I'm trying to say, jangan semudah itu ceritain hal yang masuknya rahasia, apalagi berhubungan sama rasa dan hati ke temen sendiri, yap temen yang lo rasa deket sekalipun. DON'T TRUST PEOPLE, yeah what I heard a lot lately.

    OH YAAA, kak charming, you are a very humble and nice and sweet and handsome and kind aaah you've got all the goods on you lah pokoknya, so you are definitely in Heaven right now, I know. It was very nice to be your 'friend' and your fans at once! It was a sweet experience that I will never forget. I just wish and pray that you are rest in peace right now, and you are happy there with no worry because you are in His side, and I hope you meet your beloved parents again, forever. I don't know if you still remember me or not, and I'm sorry for being an annoying junior who admires you very much, I love you (:

Sincerely,

Nana